Birth Certificate Released… What Else Will Drop Today?

April 27, 2011
OK first things first… Here it is :

The New And Improved Birth Certificate


Birthers everywhere will be celebrating… then wondering what to do with the rest of their lives.  Donald Trump is already strutting like a peacock, claiming credit for its release.

With all the fanfare of a British Wedding, the media announced the release of what is purported to be the actual long-form Birth Certificate of Barack Obama.

So what’s wrong with this picture? As Glenn Beck would say, “Watch the OTHER Hand.” Beck is convinced Obama will once again use one significant event to draw attention away from something of even more significance. Perhaps. We will have to wait and see.

Beck could be right: Ben Benanke is scheduled to give the first press conference EVER by the Fed later today. What could possibly go wrong there?  Well, the bonds market is closing early today… just prior to Benanke’s speech. Does that make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

Either way, the Birth Certificate issue SHOULD BE PUT TO REST ONCE AND FOR ALL.

This just in from the Republican Party:

To: Donald Trump
From: Republican Party
Date: April 27th, 2011

In order to be taken seriously as a Presidential candidate for the Republican Party, you have to be someone who can address serious issues while being able to avoid attempts by the left to discredit you. In this case, you were played by Barack Obama like a cheap harmonica.

Donald? You’re Fired.

Gerry Ashley


Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On

April 22, 2011

Shake baby, shake! Shake baby, shake!

Well, J-Nap is at it again. After assuring us all that the southern U.S. Border is not only in good shape, but getting better every day… ha ha hhahahahahahahahah… Hahahahahahaaha! Sorry, I couldn’t help myself there. Anyway, let’s just say that J-Nap’s credibility is not at its highest right now.

But since the border is so peachy these days, it’s time to spend more money we don’t have on another expensive but useless government program! The latest and greatest: the “Great Central U.S. ShakeOut.” Yes, in a brilliant plan to rival that of any mega-disaster movie produced by the SyFy channel, J-Nap wants us all to be prepared for “the Big One“.

Hence, the “Great Central U.S. ShakeOut“, in which states that might be affected by a quake from the fault can practice the ingenious new protective measure of “drop, cover, and hold on” until all the shaking stops. Why hasn’t anyone else thought of that?

While the official website touts that they have 2.6 million participants (and counting!), please color me unimpressed. The population of the states covered by this “drill’ is approximately 64 million people. So J-Nap has convinced just about 4% of the population to participate.

Don’t get me wrong: the New Madrid fault is nothing to laugh at. The last time there was a major quake there, the shaking went on for days, the Mississippi River ran backwards, and state boundaries changed. It’s serious stuff.

But so is our economy. And our border. And Islamic terrorism. And any other number of items and possible events we could and should be planning for.

I’m sure she’ll get right on those.


There’s Half a Million Dollars Saved!

April 21, 2011

 Apparently the U.S. Army finally came to its senses. The project of erecting a horrendously eyeball-maiming statue of a 10-foot fairy riding on a giant gurgling toad at a bus depot at a military facility has been scrapped. Thankfully. Not only is this a piece of “art” that likely would likely induce screaming nightmares in small children, but the $600,000 pricetag should have told the Army it was a very bad idea in the first place.

As announced yesterday by U.S. New and World Reports,

The Army, under public and congressional attack for a $600,000 plan to dress up a bus depot at a new military facility near Washington with three pieces of art, such as a 10 foot-tall fairy riding a gurgling toad, has scrapped the project. Instead, it will go with a simple plan to “enhance the aesthetics” of a concrete wall at the new Mark Center in Alexandria, Va.  

Amazingly enough, the artist, Cheryl Foster, described her piece and its inspiration thusly:

“A 10-foot fairy, using an American Toad as ‘transportation,’ scurries to the entrance of the station. The interior of the toad is illuminated and the sounds of nature emanate from his throat.”

She claims to be inspired by nature–you know, giant fairies and illuminated toads, all that really natural stuff. 

Honestly, only in the DC area (or perhaps Manhattan or San Francisco) would people think that this was an attractive way to decorate a bus station, and would believe that the pricetag was reasonable. On the other hand, limousine liberals don’t generally frequent bus stations, so why would they care anyway?

I’d pay good money not to have to see it.


Your Tax Dollars At Work: Caped Crusader Edition

April 19, 2011


If the country weren’t in such bad financial shape, this would actually be funny. Or at least, you know, fun to mock, in a disbelieving sort of way.

It seems that the state of Florida is spending a boatload of cash in order to buy capes for the jobless. I guess it’s to make them feel good about being unemployed or something.  According to the Orlando Sentinel:

Dubbed the “Cape-A-Bility Challenge,” a $73,000 public-relations campaign by Workforce Central Florida features a cartoon character named “Dr. Evil Unemployment” and includes handing out about 6,000 red superhero capes to jobless Central Floridians…

“The plight of the unemployed is why we exist,”[Workforce Central Florida Executive Director Gary J.] Earl wrote, “and to help them, we have to engage them, introduce them to our services and connect them with job opportunities.”

Apparently, engaging the unemployed requires forcing them to imagine themselves as fictional superheroes. It might be of more benefit if the agency helped them envision themselves as actual job-holders.

Given the way things are going these days, we can only hope that each cape comes with a “Does not actually endow the user with the ability to be faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and to leap tall buildings in a single bound” disclaimer. In Spanish. And Portuguese. And Russian, Arabic, French, Polish, Italian, German, Chinese, and Thai. Maybe even in English.

Because if the state of Florida is going to treat adults like third-graders, they shouldn’t be surprised if those adults act like third-graders… and actually try to out-muscle a locomotive or outrun a speeding bullet. In which case, central Florida becomes Lawsuit Central.

We’re doomed, I tell ya. Doomed


President Obama: Miracle Cure for Insomnia

April 15, 2011


Our Dear Leader has always been known for the electric way he reads a teleprompter. However, given the evidence of past orations–up to and including his budget speech of earlier this week–perhaps it’s time for a new telelpromter…