Too Good To Check

August 1, 2013

Oh, please let this be a real photo…

UConn Ladies

…And apparently it’s legit! I give the UConn Lady Huskies  huge chutzpah credit for this. I predict they’ll go far in life.

Stoutcat


Riposte

February 8, 2013

SooperMexican does a great job of updating the “So God Made a Farmer” clip by Paul Harvey, most recently seen as a truck commercial in last week’s barnburner of a Super Bowl (even though the Pats didn’t play, it was quite a game).

The genius of SooperMexican brings us, “So God Made a Liberal”.

Enjoy. Share. And follow SuperMexican on Twitter: @SooperMexican

Stoutcat


Don’t Mess with Alan Grayson

March 14, 2012

I was enjoying the response to the MoveOn.org flowchart at iOwnTheWorld when I noticed an advertisement on the sidebar for Alan Grayson. “Put Progressive Champion Alan Grayson back in Congress!” the ad crowed. But given Mr. Grayson’s recent troubles, I took the liberty of modifiyng the ad slightly.

Much better!

Stoutcat


Great Moments in Matrimonial Communication

November 18, 2011

On the topic of a new house cleaner, currently scrubbing the bathroom:

SHE: Wow, she really is conscientious–she’s doing a great job!

HE: (whispering) She’s wearing a thong.

The End

Stoutcat


Now That We Have Your Attention, Mr. President…

November 14, 2011

My long-time friend Giuliana called me from San Diego on Sunday. She mentioned that a friend of her Navy SEAL husband stationed at Coronado Island had tickets to a very special NCAA basketball game that was played on the Aircraft Carrier USS Carl Vinson out in San Diego on Veterans’ Day. You may recall that it was the USS Carl Vinson that handled the disposal at sea of Osama Bin-Laden’s body recently.

She was told that because the tickets were for “special VIP” seats, she would be subjected to an intensive background check.  Why a background check for an NCAA basketball game? Because her seat would place her adjacent to President Barack Obama and the First Lady, who attended the game as part of their Veteran’s Day “Let’s spend more taxpayer money on an unnecessary trip to San Diego” program.

Ready To Play

The President wound up getting an earful from Giuliana, who is not one to shy away from speaking her mind. It wasn’t long before she made it clear to the President that she was proud to vote for him in 2008 (being part of history in electing our first African American President. And yes, I do have many Liberal friends). But then she told the President that now she was embarrassed that she voted for him because, “You turned out to be totally different than the way you presented himself in your campaign speeches.”  When Obama asked for some specific examples, Giuliana mentioned a number of topics.

When the President asked her what her sources of information were that she was quoting from, she said, “From a blog written by my friend Gerry Ashley… it’s called Grand Rants.”  She told me that Obama stared at her and smiled as he wrote it down.

POTUS Watches Michigan State Spartans Vs. #1 Ranked North Carolina on the flight deck of the USS Carl Vinson

It’s a bit unnerving to know that The President (the most liberal and dangerously close to socialist President in our nation’s history) chose to write down the name of the blog himself. We already know he and his staff are skilled Internet users.

I spoke to Alan last night by phone and he assured me there’s nothing to worry about. “Grant Rants isn’t even a blip on their radar screen,” he tried to reassure me.  I thought back to the scorching 8-part piece I wrote on the Abject Failure of the Obama Administration over a year ago.  And I replied,“Well, so far, perhaps, but then that’s because they probably didn’t know we existed. That’s all changed now. Did you hear me, Alan? Barack Hussein Obama wrote down our blog address. Do you think that’s so he could send us an invitation to a beer party in the Rose Garden?

Alan laughed and said, “The most that will happen is that he’ll give this to a low level intern with instructions to check it out at their convenience. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Reassured, I hung up. But one question still remains: Should I offer coffee and donuts to the guys in the Black SUV parked across the street?

Gerry Ashley


Prescription For Middle East: Take Two Dennis Millers and Call Me In The Morning

September 26, 2011

One of the reasons I’ve been absent from Grand Rants lately is that I’ve been recovering at home from a recent double by-pass operation. During this time, I’ve been following the news, trying to stay current.  The focus of my attention has been the economy (which, under the watchful eye of Ben Bernanke and the Obama administration, continues  to spiral further and further towards “the debt of no return“) as well as the building crisis in the Middle East (where the “Arab Spring” is rapidly turning into “the Winter of Israel’s discontent“).

It appears to me that no-one on the left has the courage to face the gravity of either of these two major issues (and I’m hard-pressed to find many Republicans who are capable of handling them, either). The main culprit? Political Correctness.

We at Grand Rants have been hammering at the idiocy of Political Correctness (which seems to be one of the major platforms of the Democratic Party and the Obama administration) for some time now. The mantra of the lunatic left seems to be:

“God help those who actually speak common sense and logic. It’s a far better thing we do to make sure nobody’s feelings are hurt.”

Well, it didn’t take an operation where my heart was stopped for 4+ hours to make me realize that life is too precious and time is too short to waste it on being politically correct while civilization collapses around us.

However, other than a few Republicans (far fewer than are currently running for the nomination), there just doesn’t seem to be a voice of sanity speaking loud enough to make sense of it all. Most of the current candidates for the GOP Presidential Nomination merely want to replace the far left ideology with the far right equivalent, which is not what the vast majority of Americans seek. We want solutions, not party line conformity.

Rep Allen West (R) FL

Personally, I am a huge fan of retired Army Colonel and current US Rep. Allen West (R-FL)  who eschews political correctness as much as I, but has far more  experience on the global, political, and military stages and has a masterful grasp of relevant history. Sadly, he has no interest in running for President (for which we are all made poorer). Two of the best videos defining this man’s broad depth of comprehension of Islam and refusal to put up with politically correct crap can be viewed here and here. I promise you, they are well worth your viewing!

But who else in this sea of sludge can cut through the bull-crap and tell it like it is, and do so in a manner that forsakes political correctness for the benefit of reality? Perhaps, more to the point: since the only way to reach the masses these days is if you package such information in an entertaining way,  would it be possible to find a person capable of doing so in a way that both informs and entertains?

I think I’ve got just the fellow who can put perspective on this in a way that both educates and entertains:

Recorded shortly after the mid-term elections last year, comedian Dennis Miller sums up many of my feelings succinctly.

(Warning to other recent bypass patients: Watching the following video may cause serious laughter that could threaten the integrity of your incisions and possibly re-separate your sternum. But hey… it’s worth the risk.)

You know… maybe the right GOP ticket in 2012 would be Allen West for President with Dennis Miller as his Veep. Just think about the logic: We’d be replacing a complete and utter failure of a President (who is African American) with a brilliant, no-nonsense, experienced, world savvy straight-talking American (who happens to be black) who has the ability to not only command the respect of all Americans, but world leaders as well. As a bonus, you’d have a vice-president who is intentionally funny replacing a the incumbent who is little more than a sad joke.

Lurking around the big screen at home for awhile,

Gerry Ashley

Breaking news: A respected Pakistan-born Islamic scholar who gained recognition outside the Muslim world last year by publishing a detailed fatwa (religious ruling) against terrorism and suicide bombings, led a rally in London on Saturday to fight Islamic extremism and promote a moderate, inclusive version of Islam. The event, led by scholar, Muhammad Tahir-ul-Qadri, was held at Wembley Arena and was attended by thousands, including families with young children and students.

Tahir-ul-Qadri’s message to the crowd: “I want to address those who are lost, who have a total misconception of jihad — I want to send them a message — come back to normal life. Whatever you’re doing is totally against Islam.”

Well, like they say about discovering 1,000 dead terrorists, “It’s a start…”

Read the full story here:

Obama Reassures Us, Dow Immediately Plunges

August 8, 2011

There’s an old expression that goes, “It’s better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you’re a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

"The U.S.A. Is Quad-A Rated. That's ONE Better Than The Rest."

In what has to be seen as a defining moment in Barack Obama’s failed presidency, the POTUS Ignoramus took to the airwaves today to “reassure the American people” that America is still doing well under his leadership, and that Standard & Poor’s downgrade of America’s credit rating was obviously a mistake.

The telling moment: Just after Obama suggested that the way to restore our credit rating and to overcome our debt problems is to spend more money on government projects, the Dow responded by dropping more than 100 points in just over a minute.

By 4PM the Dow had plunged a total of approximately 630 points for the day.  NASDAQ lost 80 points. It was the first time The Dow-Jones had closed under 11,000 since October of 2010.

I guess that would make what we have left, “Change we can live on?” Too bad America doesn’t have a “Vote of No Confidence” eh?

Of course, as Doug Powers points out, the Democratic Ignorami quickly huddled and came out united behind a new talking points memo.  Within minutes of each other, John “Have I reminded you I’m a Vietnam Veteran?” Kerry, Howard “Shriek” Dean and David Axelrod all came out with press releases or public statements using the term Tea Party Downgrade.

Our tongue-in-cheek department did an independent research and discovered the President’s secret team of Liberal Obfuscationists Spreading Erroneous Responsibility Statistics (L.O.S.E.R.S.) quickly released their own report which rejected Stand & Poor’s rating and immediately upgraded America’s credit rating to “Quad A” status. When told the highest level available on the S&P scale was TRIPLE A, a spokesman for the LOSERS responded (in his best Spinal Tap accent), “Right. Well we’re QUAD-A rated because we’re one better than the rest.”

Yep… right after we get a balanced budget amendment to the Constitution, I think our next point of order is to invoke a “No Confidence Vote” amendment so we don’t have to remain stuck with a President who thinks America has 57 states… or that the best way to get out of debt is to borrow and spend even more.

Gerry “No Stocks” Ashley