Vetting the Candidates

October 20, 2011

Too many debates, too little substance. I’m with Dennis Miller on this: I think President Obama won Tuesday’s debate. This is a losing strategy for every single one of the Republican candidates.

So in the interest of eliciting more information from the candidates, which can only be helpful in determining who will be the Republican nominee, I humbly suggest that at the next debate, the following questions be asked:

GOV. ROMNEY: We all know about your woes with illegal aliens working for your yard service. Now please tell us if you have any relatives in this country illegally. And if so, are they on welfare or using other taxpayer-funded assistance?

MR. CAIN: Have you ever been at church and heard your long-time pastor say in a sermon, “God damn America”? And if so, did the congregation cheer when he said it?

MR. SANTORUM: Do you know exactly how many states there are in the United States?

REP. BACHMANN: Please explain why Americans celebrate Memorial Day and Veterans’ Day, and how they differ in their purposes. And as a follow-up question, do you have any American relatives who helped liberate Auschwitz?

SEN. PAUL: Do you know how to pronounce the word “corpsman” properly?

GOV. PERRY: If Obama were to bring a knife to a fight, based on his own advice, what would you bring?

GOV. ROMNEY: If you heard a bishop at your church state that the 9/11/01 attacks on this nation were America’s “chickens coming home to roost”, would you continue to attend that church?

MR. CAIN: Do you believe in Black Liberation Theology?

REP. BACHMANN: Are you friends with anyone who was a founding member of a domestic terrorist group?

SEN. PAUL: As a follow-up to Rep. Bachman’s question, if you were friends with a domestic terrorist, would you find it appropriate to launch your political career at his home? Would you consider him an appropriate ghost-writer for your autobiographies?

MR. SANTORUM: Are you personally associated with anyone who could reasonably be described as a “slumlord“? If so, would you enter into a questionable real estate deal with him?

MR. GINGRICH: Do you regret the global warming PSA you did with Nancy Pelosi in 2008?

While I don’t know who would win such a debate, I’m darned certain that it would not be President Obama.