Translating Obama (Without Rosetta Stone)

I’ve long believed in the value of speaking more than one language. Years ago, when I learned I was going to be sent on a business trip to the (then) Soviet Union, I studied the language for 4 months prior to my departure. It only half paid off, however, as I quickly discovered that, while I was able to speak to them with my well-rehearsed phrases, I had no idea how to translate their replies to me.

This led to some experiences best forgotten. And if  Pavlik is reading this, I swear I thought I was saying your wife had a big heart (not to worry, comrade, my eye socket healed just fine).

Oh Yes! Just ONCE, Please!

So it was with great wonder that I discovered Sunday night how easily I was  able to translate Obamish (the language of President Barack Obama) to English as I watched him on 60 minutes.

Here’s just a sample:

During the interview with Steve Kroft, Obama said the health care system itself is huge and complicated and that changing it eluded previous presidents because it was so difficult.

Translation:

“Only I, Barack Hussein Obama, was bright enough to pull off healthcare reform. And it was remarkably easy for me once I convinced the Democrats in Congress to pass it without actually reading it. Or worrying about how it might just decimate our economy trying to implement it… or how it might ruin the greatest medical industry the world has ever seen, one that has led to treatments and medications that save the lives of millions of people world-wide. Piece of cake, actually.”

Obama added:

“I made the decision to go ahead and do it, and it proved as costly politically as we expected – probably actually a little more costly than we expected, politically.”

Translation: “Yeah, it cost a bunch of Democrats their positions. Who cares? What those rubes didn’t catch onto, fortunately, was that I really don’t give a rat’s ass about the Democratic party. They were just a convenient stepping stone for me to implement my socialist agenda. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to depend on Congress to implement the rest of my agenda. That’s why I’ve got all those ‘Czars’ (and the power of the Executive Order). And with the added bonus of political correctness on my side, and the Czar concept I picked up from the previous administration, it was a piece of cake avoiding those pesky confirmation hearings.”

Obama then went on to discuss the strained relations with Republican members of Congress over the healthcare issue and how he thought he might find some common ground by promoting the kind of public health care Mitt Romney introduced in Massachusetts (which looked good on paper, but as implemented by Massachusetts politicians has become a financial nightmare):

“I couldn’t get the kind of cooperation from Republicans that I had hoped for,” he said. “And that was costly, partly because it created the kind of partisanship and bickering that really turn people off.”

Translation: They wouldn’t swallow the entire package… it’s their fault there was tension, not mine. All they had to do was agree with me! Whut up with that?”

Obama claimed the danger of a second major recession is “much reduced” under his leadership and a great depression is not on the horizon. However, he did state that the country seems to be “stuck in a new normal where unemployment rates stay high.”

Translation: Look, you can’t have a second major recession right now, because we’re still in the first one. But don’t expect me to admit to it. Oh, by the way: get used to 10% unemployment as “the new norm.” It’s acceptable to me, so it should be acceptable to you. The way I see it, if we can tax the other 90% enough, we can take care of you folks who can’t find a job. And don’t worry, America, I have no doubt I can tax that other 90% – I’ve got new taxes you haven’t even dreamed about yet.

The President went on to mention his concern about his “O-conomy:”

“I do get discouraged. I mean, there are times where I thought the economy would have gotten better by now.  One of the things I think you understand as president is you’re held responsible for everything. But you don’t always have control of everything, especially an economy this big.”

Translation: I still haven’t figured out how to grab the remaining part of the economy, but hey, I managed to take possession of Health Care, two automobile manufacturers and a whole slew of banks! Not bad for my first two years. Just wait till you see what comes next!

On his optimism for the future,  Obama states:

“I am constantly reminded that we have been through worse times than these, and we’ve always come out on top. And I’m positive that the same thing is going to happen this time.”

Translation: Just accept my definition of “top” and nobody gets hurt.

Has Obama changed any part of his ideology during his first two years in office? According to the President:

“I think that in terms of how I operated on a day-to-day basis, when you’ve got a series of choices to make — I think that there are times where we said let’s just get it done instead of worrying about how we’re getting it done. And I think that’s a problem. I’m paying a political price for that.”

Translation: I thought I could do any damn thing I wanted. I mean, you little people elected me as President, damn it. I should have carte blanche to do as I see fit! But look how my actions have affected me and my popularity! Screw the fact that I’ve taken a recession and made it deeper by spending trillions of dollars we can’t even track now. Ignore the fact that I’ve spent more money in the first 18 months of my Presidency than all Presidents combined up to (and including) Ronald Reagan. And I don’t wanna hear one person whining about how tough life has gotten over the past two years. Get over it!  I’m the one who’s suffering!  Look how it’s affected my popularity! Where’s the love, people?  You think I’ve made it tough so far? I’m President, damn it. And there’s a lot of (expletive) you don’t even know about.  So let me be clear: The deficit spending, tax hikes and cutbacks in the quality of life will continue until the morale improves!

To prove his point, immediately after taping the interview for 60 minutes, the President, first lady and his daughters left for India on their $2 billion ($200,000,000 per day) trip to announce new technology export trade agreements with India. Obama claims this should create some 50,000 new jobs. Whether those jobs will be in India or the United States, though, remains to be seen.

Yeah, I think being able to understand and translate Obamish comes in very handy these days.

H/T Michelle Malkin & Doug Powers at MichelleMalkin.com (see above links)

Gerry Ashley

One Response to Translating Obama (Without Rosetta Stone)

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Stoutcat and Stoutcat, Gerry Ashley. Gerry Ashley said: On Grand Rants I show how easy it is to translate from Obamish (the official language of Pres Obama) to English: http://tinyurl.com/obamish […]

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