Constitutional Crisis Looms
In what has been described as the most incredible discovery of the century, the birth certificate for Barack Hussein Obama has surfaced in Kenya, throwing the United States into turmoil. The Constitution stipulates that the President must be a natural born citizen of the United States. As such, the discovery has put the presidency of Barack Obama on the line.
Representative Robert VanDelay (D – NM) said, “I can’t believe this! He has been lying all this time. I feel completely betrayed. Next thing you know we’ll probably find out he’s got a socialist agenda!”
As the new broke at first light, Obama quickly announced some executive staff changes, effective immediately. A stunned former White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs faced angry news reporters as he was hastily escorted off White House property. Gibbs called to the members of the media to follow him outside the fence. Once they were outside the Gates, he stated:
“For the record, I want to say categorically, I never bought into that Hawaiian story, myself. But we had to have evidence of the Kenyan birth certificate before we could move forward. So I teamed up with Rahm Emanuel, and together we set up a task force to find the document. That document was discovered Saturday in the Kenyan house where the Obamas lived at the time. It was pressed between the pages of the first book he read as a child, “Mein Kampf”
With calls for his immediate resignation coming from members of both parties, Obama released a statement through his newly-appointed (this morning) Press Czar (yet to be identified by name, but who bore a striking resembleance to Van Jones). In that announcement, he stated the following:
- He refuses to step down and, in fact, is considering suspending the Constitution and elections until making some changes that even Obama himself declared would be “Sweeping and historical in nature. “Most important” he declared, “While martial law might seem a bit radical, just think… if I step down, that means Joe Biden will be your new presdent.”
- In an attempt at “healing the nation,” he has decided to annex Kenya and make it our 51st State retroactive to 1960. Obama was born in 1961 and, as such, would technically make him an American citizen.
Meanwhile, Vice President Joe Biden’s whereabouts was supposed to be unknown, however, it was the Vice Preident himself who divulged his location on network television saying, “Boy, the (expletive deleted) has really hit the fan in DC. I”m sure glad I’m here in the basement of Blair House in the new secret bunker.” He then ended his short statement with the same sentiment we give you this morning: HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!
And yes, Mr. Vice President… this is all a “big effing hoax.”
Gerry Ashley (with assistance by field reporter April Phules)