The Night Before Christmas (Revisited)

(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

‘Twas the night before Christmas
Time off from Grand Rants!
I was home with the family
(A rare happenstance).

My wife was in e-mail
my daughter as well,
my son, trying to
figure out HTML

When up on the roof
there arose such a clatter!
But we didn’t budge, thinking
“What does it matter?”

My daughter thought, “Squirrels”
my wife thought so too.
My son said, “Check it out, Dad”
I said, “Why don’t you?”

“I’m busy!” he said
“So am I!” I replied.
“I can’t get this rant done
though God knows I’ve tried!”

Then down from the chimney
some fat guy appeared
attired in red with
white hair and a beard.

“Yule Greetings!” he cried
with a wink and a stare
I’ve brought you all gifts!
Come see, if you care!”

So, we gathered around
in anticipation
but for Santa, ’twas nothing
but endless frustration.

“I asked for a scanner!”
my son said in rage.
I need to scan photos
for my Facebook page.”

“She wanted Windows 7″
said my wife for my daughter
as she stared at the sweater
and bracelet he’d brought her.

“I needed a browser,”
I said with surprise
Then we saw the sadness,
the tear in his eyes.

“My elves tried their best”
the fat man said sadly.
We all felt just awful for
behaving so badly.

“This web stuff ain’t easy”
he said, “I’m still learning.”
“In fact it’s a web site
and home page I’m yearning.”

“It’s all so confusing
and daunting to me.
And where I come from
there’s no ISP!”

We served him hot chocolate
with cookies and such
at least he was grateful
and thanked us so much.

Then turning his head,
he said, “It’s time to go”
But I grabbed his arm
And simply said, “No.”

I said “All these years
while I have been living
It’s always been you
who’s done all the giving.”

My wife smiled at me
then I said, “What the hell?
Let’s work to build Santa
his own URL!”

For the first time in months
regardless of weather
my family was working
no… playing together!

We built him a web site
with e-mail and more.
A blog, and some jpegs
and virtual gift store.

And when we were finished
he looked on in wonder.
He chuckled, then shouted,
voice booming like thunder:

“You’ve done it! You’ve done it!
he shouted with glee.
In truth, there was no one
more happy than me.

“How can I repay you?”
said Santa so dearly
“You already have!”
we all said sincerely.

We knew he was choked up
he spoke while still coughin’
and said “You should really
all get out more often!”

He laughed as he said it
then added, “I’m leaving,
but thanks for the web site
.. and thanks for believing!”

And we all heard him say
as his voice broke the calm:
“Merry Christmas from Grand Rants

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Alan Speakman
Gerry Ashley


5 Responses to The Night Before Christmas (Revisited)

  1. TaxachusettsGirl says:

    Thanks for your rants
    and truth about here, there…
    And providing a place for
    us to come for some cheer…

    While reading your thoughts
    I’ve found such insight…
    And I’m trying to keep
    My outlook cheery and bright…

    This is the time I send wishes
    From my family to yours…
    And I hope we can all rant
    When Santa finally snores…

    • Gerry Ashley says:

      Thanks, Taxi… A poem in reply makes for a very cool yule!

      We enjoy having you visit and look forward to the new year with anticipation (and more than a little intrepidation).

      But above all, we really enjoy the community that has built up around Grand Rants. Our goal, in the new year, will be to continue to research the facts and inform our readers in an honest, dependable manner.

      As for me, personally?

      I’ll probably use satire
      Some here and some there.
      It’s me… I can’t help it
      Such topics to share!

      I’ll use it to question
      Those who try to stomp us
      The egotistical President
      Self-centered and pompous

      For Nancy Pelosi
      And Harry Reid too:
      I’ll spare no expense
      to humiliate you!

      They don’t represent us
      They have no solution
      They only desecrate
      Our dear Constitution.

      I’ll work to obtain
      real balance again
      With the mid-term elections
      in 2010.

      And if we stick together
      we’ll make the correction
      When President Pompous
      goes for re-election.

      Until then my friend,
      You can bet your new pants
      on my dedication
      right here at Grand Rants!

      Merry Christmas to our Christian Friends
      Happy Chanukah to our Jewish brothers and sisters
      Happy Holidays and a very happy new year to all, regardless how or what you celebrate.
      (Void where prohibited by political correctness. Your smileage may vary.)

  2. mkb says:

    Cute! I like the 90s styling.

    • Gerry Ashley says:

      Thank you. Good catch there… truth be known, I think the ’90s was when my brain “peaked” regarding technology. I do my best to keep up, but it’s advancing so fast. I doubt I can get much for my original PC. It’s not an IBM, it’s an abacus.

      Please visit us often as our community continues to grow. We welcome all feedback. See my above comments for the rest of my message as it’s intended for one and all.

      Thank you again!

  3. Clause Santa says:

    i have a good post stories about clause santa, lets check this out Clause Santa

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