Apocalypse 2012: There’s Good News and Bad News

Scene from Sony Pictures film "2012" (photo from IMDB.com)

Scene from Sony Pictures film "2012" (photo from IMDB.com)

We humans love a good scare, don’t we? Remember Y2K? All the computers in the world were supposed to do horrible things, banks were going to topple, governments who depended on PCs for their defense systems would vaporize, and The Osmands threatened to come back to prime time TV.

Well, as we all know, none of it happened, although there have been a few sightings of Donnie and Marie. It turns out there were more problems with Windows Vista than with Y2K. But that didn’t stop us from a good scare, did it?

Fast forward to now. We’re on the precipice of the end of days:  December 21, 2012.  That’s when the cognoscenti are saying that the world, as we know it, will end. Right?

Guess again. There’s some good news for a change.  It’s not going to happen. But we’re humans… we won’t let a little thing like “not gonna happen” spoil our fun with a good scare now, are we? There’s money to be made!

David Morrison, NASA

David Morrison, NASA

There are over 200 different books about the end of the world scheduled for 2012 according to David Morrison, Senior Scientist for NASA’s Astrobiology Institute.

Morrison, who also authors an on-line feature called “Ask An Astrobiologist“, is concerned by the fact that he’s received nearly 1,000 e-mails from people who are A) convinced we are near the end of days and B) are asking for advice.

Yep, we humans are “Chicken Little-ing” our way through this. Coupled with the fact that we love to spend tons of money on things to feed our panic and, voila!  How hard could it be to convince millions of people that the world ends in about three years? Now all we have to do is come up with some products pertaining to the end of the world and we’ll be rich as kings… at least until 2012. 

And we love it when someone provides us with something we can point to as validation that our worry is legitimate. 

Now we’re supposed to get all “wee-weed up” about December 21st, 2012… the day life, as we know it, comes to an abrupt end.

In the Washington Post, Joel Achenbach writes:

The world, however, is not coming to an end on Dec. 21, 2012, contrary to the viral Internet rumor propounded by pseudo-scientists, hoaxers, Hollywood movie promoters and assorted void-between-the-ears people who wouldn’t recognize a scientific fact if it tried to abduct them.

The notion that 2012 heralds the End of Time has something to do with a mysterious Planet X that will supposedly hurtle into, or perhaps merely perturb, Earth. Also, there might be geomagnetic storms, a Pole Reversal, and a newfound unsteadiness in the planet’s crustal plates. All of that, or variations thereof, can be studied in depth in scores of books now jostling for eschatological primacy with such titles as “Apocalypse 2012,” “The World Cataclysm in 2012” and “How to Survive 2012.”

Have no fear. It’s not gonna happen, folks. And only Grand Rants can explain exactly WHY as we debunk the scare stories that have been spread world-wide.

Are you paying attention, Snopes.com?

Scare tactic #1: The Mayan Calendar

The Mayans employed something called a “Long Count” calendar which ends on the date December 21st, 2012. This has been interpreted by others since then as meaning that’s when the world will end.

I don’t know if any of you were paying much attention, but the world pretty much came to an end for the Mayans with the arrival of the Spanish Conquistadores. So the significance for December 21st 2012 kind of lost its meaning to them. Besides, the only reason they stopped at December 21st 2012 was that  marked the end of Batktun 13 (a 384 year cycle). They didn’t bother to make a follow-up calendar for Baktun 14 (which starts December 22nd 2012) because they wanted to see how the Baktun 13 Calendar sold. They didn’t want to commit to a big production run of Baktun 14 only to find out there wasn’t a whole lot of demand for Baktun 13. Besides, they were a little busy with those pesky Spanish Conquistadores.

Scare tactic #2: The Planet Nibiru Will Collide With Earth!

The “Planet X” that Achenbach refers to is actually named Nibiru and it’s supposed to crash into earth. President Obama has been informed of this and he has already placed the blame on the Bush administration.  

I also hear Geraldo Rivera is preparing a special on this, so you know it’s going to be a dud. It will not happen for several reasons, but principally one: The planet doesn’t exist.  Oh, it existed to ancient Sumerians and, according to them, Nibiru has “a highly elliptical orbit of the sun” and, every 3,600 years, it supposedly enters the inner solar system.  It was, allegedly a collision between Nibiru and another planet during one of those earlier times that created both the earth and the asteroid belt.  As luck would have it, it’s scheduled to come around again, wiping out Earth in the process and giving new meaning to the expression, “I brought you into this world and I can take you out.”

Fortunately, you may recall, Magician David Copperfield made Nibiru disappear during one of his live Televised Magic Specials a few years before he himself disappeared Polanski-style; and the planet has never been heard from again… except for one big piece that broke off and was headed our way. But  Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck took care of that in the movie Armageddon in 1998. So we’re good.

But Sony Pictures, who has adapted Rahm Emanuel’s “Never let a good crisis go to waste” philosophy, has decided to cash in on the paranoia surrounding 12/21/12 with the production of a new blockbuster, mundanely entitled, “2012.”

In the previews, you get to see the world collapsing, then a invitation that says only, “2012: Search for it.” 

Well a quick google search has a lot of doomsday sites to choose from, but one of the most interesting links is to the Institute for Human Continuity.  It’s a fascinating site where you can enter their survival lottery, vote for the new post-apocalypse leader. There’s only one thing; the web site is a fake, set up by Sony to help plug the movie.  Like I said, “Never let a good crisis go to waste.”  Apparently even phony crises count.

Bottom line? We’re still gonna be here for after 12.21.12.

Now for the bad news: That means we still have to do Christmas shopping, mail out the Christmas cards, and get together with relatives who make you wish the world did end on the 21st.

Bluescreen obama say whatPerhaps the most disturbing? Our sources have just informed us that President Barack Obama was counting on the world’s ending as part of his economic recovery plan to handle the deficit. 


 Gerry Ashley


18 Responses to Apocalypse 2012: There’s Good News and Bad News

  1. […] of the lead organizers in the Bay Area, and this video: Click here to view the embedded video. Apocalypse 2012: There’s Good News and Bad News – grandrants.wordpress.com 10/20/2009 Scene from Sony Pictures film “2012″ (photo […]

  2. Doug says:

    Excellent Rant.

    At least with Y2k there was some basis, there were programs that would not run properly in the year 00. Good news, it got handled as people were working on it for years.

    I myself was a full time mouse jockey at a Y2k firm in ’97 while I was in programming school.

    2012? Far be it from me to predict the future, but the world has always been on the verge of ending.

    Perhaps the inevitability of death has something to do with the doomsday mindset.

    Cashing in on fear? Absolutely! Free Market at it’s best ( worst? ) .

    The world will come to an end, it’s a fact. The sun will burn out and that will be that. We’re all gonna die, that’s a fact too.

    Now, where’s my book and movie deal?

  3. Tony Shelton says:

    Talk about bursting MY bubble! I thought it ended January 20th, 2009……….

    In all seriousness, the Christian Bible (no, this is not a religious rant) has it pretty much right when it says “no man knows the hour of His coming”. Live your life honorably and well, love your family and friends, and pay your bills. The rest will eventually take care of itself.

    • Gerry Ashley says:

      That sums it up pretty succinctly, my friend. If we spend our lives looking for the evil in others, eventually we’ll bring it to their surface. Imagine what we can do if we look for the goodness in all men and women!

  4. kiran says:

    Thanks for these articles. This is indeed going to help people overcome their fears regarding the subject of which is made a hype. Talking spiritually, there is a God above all of us who is taking care of each & every living being because we all are special to him & he is also taking care of our Planet Earth. We all are born to accomplish our respective task & then die.

    Logically speaking, we humans are never precise in predicting an event. It is a Simple concept that since the temperature is increasing so we should take precautions like planting more trees & thereby conserve our Nature. We don’t need to escape or fear like cowards.

    Because Earth was never built to get destroyed, then why to worry about it? Just live in the present & stop worrying about your future. While Living in the present, think positive, & spread positive auras.
    This is the only way to spread & live in peace.
    Nothing bad will happen & life will move on as it is supposed to be.

    • Gerry Ashley says:

      Thanks, Kiran, for sharing that. My personal philosophy by which I live is simple:

      “In the long run, the pessimist may be right, but the optimist has more fun on the journey… and after all: Life is a journey.”

  5. saul says:

    Excellent!!!! your rant helped me overcome my entire end of the world fears. its just a story madeby the entire media to make the entire public shit in their pants aboutit! will happen one day but as gods said in the bible 7 plaques’ one language not expected! And those guessers that we pay and call “scientists sure like to play the guessing game don’t they? I meen how many times have they guessed this and it hasent happend?! And this stupid 2012 movie is just a big way to get cash!and to make us even more skitzy about it !don’t these people Learn? stop guessing and you’lldie soon enough its as if they’re too excited to wait to parish!!!!

  6. edebock says:

    Loved your rant!

    • Gerry Ashley says:

      Thank you. I enjoyed writing it. And thanks for taking the time to join us here on Grand Rants. I invite you to look around. Hopefully, you’ll find a few others worth reading.

  7. Hi,

    Reread https://grandrants.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/herd-intuition/.


    * Iran is on track to have a nuke around 2012… Syria is on track to get a nuke in a few years… But it doesn’t matter… They’ve got the largest stockpile of WMDs in the Middle East.
    * Between our regular debt of $12 Tn and Medicare/Medicaid/SS debt of $38 Tn, we’re $50 Tn in the hole… The snapping point in a culture is when debt is six times GDP… That will happen for us around 2012.
    * 2012 is another election year… If you thought the Tea Party had the potential to turn ugly…
    * Yesterday we had an MD go berserk at Fort Hood… He only used guns… Suppose he was prescribing medication or using chem or bio… How long before another MD, pharmacist, chemist, engineer, etc. decides to get really creative? Before 2012? After 2012? What does your gut tell you?
    * When will this new health bill really kick in? 2013. Welcome to hyper-inflation in 2012.
    * All that money we’ve been borrowing from China and Japan and Saudi Arabia… When does it start to come due? Guess.

    Years ago, I watched one of those future “disaster documentaries” that glorified a hurricane hitting New Orleans… Well, Katrina wasn’t nearly as slick as the documentary, but the disaster did happen.

    Do you really think that the world has seen its last angry mushroom cloud? Do you think that not one Russian nuke (many are past their engineered lifetime)will suffer a Kursk or Chernobyl failure? How long? I don’t know… 2 yeas? 5 years?

    The point is that something very wicked this way comes… I’m guessing 2 years…


  8. […] Apocalypse 2012: There's Good News and Bad News « Grand Rants […]

  9. body armor says:

    This Film is going to be amazing. I can’t wait. The trailor is incredible.

  10. car says:


    […]Apocalypse 2012: There’s Good News and Bad News « Grand Rants[…]…

  11. earth is dying the governing party is pissed off because all they said is now just a bunch of bull shit and lies what could very well kill all seven billion human’s on earth world wide hunger starvation is the worst to die from we fucked up earth and now she’s pissed bye

  12. for no one know’s the hour time or date of the ending of the world not the angel’s or the son of god psalm twenty for the world will end when god snap’s his finger’s and show’s human’s the error of their way’s ezekial

  13. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on doomsday survival. Regards

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