Olympic Loss Aftermath: Immediate, Ugly, and Predictable


From our Tongue-In-Cheek News Service

Despite President Obama’s repeated apologies for America’s greatness, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) was not moved, and the city of Chicago was eliminated from consideration for the 2016 Summer Olympics in the first round of voting.

Michelle Obama was not pleased with the decision of the Olympic Committee.

Michelle Obama was clearly not pleased with the decision of the Olympic Committee.

Upon hearing the news, Michelle Obama suddenly appeared to lose her balance and clutched the President’s arm for support.

A spokesman said Mrs. Obama  had “experienced a sudden lack of pride in being an American.”

As a precaution she was taken to a hospital, but with Denmark’s national healthcare program, the earliest she could be seen was March of 2012.

As the IOC continued their announcements, Kanye West ran onto the stage and grabbed the microphone away from the head of the IOC and announced, “Yo, ahm monna let you finish, but first ah  just gots to say Chicago have da best hot dogs of anywheres! Of ANYWHERES in da whole wurl! Oh, yeah, and Beyonce’s video shouldda beat Taylor’s.”  

Meanwhile, back in the United States, the people of Chicago tried to cope with the realization that their city really didn’t impress the members of the IOC, who are mostly European.

But it wasn’t Chicago per se that put off the IOC. President Obama may have sealed Chicago’s fate with his last minute pleading. In his pitch to the IOC, Obama apologized for America’s greatness, then promised to cut back on taxes for the poor and increase taxes on the rich (all of which made no sense to the Committee). Obama later apologized again, saying an aide had put an old speech on his teleprompter. As a last-ditch attempt, Obama promised the IOC that a Summer Olympics in Chicago would combine the magic of 2002’s Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City along with the Southern Charm of the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta.

It might have worked, if it weren’t for the fact that what the IOC remembered from those events was the bribery scandal that nearly cancelled the Salt Lake event and the bombing incident at the games in Atlanta.  They quietly validated the Obamas’ parking and sent them home with some lovely parting gifts.

Reaction to the news has been swift. In Hollywood, Bill Maher called the IOC “a bunch of tea-baggers” and Janeane Garbagefellow… well, she mumbled a few obscenities and then reminded people she’s still available for acting jobs.

In Georgia, former President Jimmy Carter dismissed the IOC as a bunch of racists for not giving Obama what he wanted.

In a related story, a number of pieces of run-down properties that were recently bought up for large sums of money by local area politicians in speculation of being the site of the 2016 Olympics were placed back on the market this afternoon at “significantly reduced prices.”

Gerry Ashley


8 Responses to Olympic Loss Aftermath: Immediate, Ugly, and Predictable

  1. […] As a precaution she was taken to a hospital, but with Denmark’s socialized medical program, the earliest she could be seen was March of 2012.<a rel='nofollow' href='http://grandrants.wordpRead more at https://grandrants.wordpress.com/2009/10/02/olympic-loss-aftermath-immediate-ugly-and-predictable/ […]

  2. Jean Groen says:

    Obama ought to set his A__ down in his office and do what he was “hired to do”….which wasn’t running all over the country being on talk shows, being on late night shows, going all over the world apologizing for America…and why should the rest of us have to pay for him to go put in a word for Chicago? Chicago ought to have to pay for that!
    And as for his bitchy wife having an attack…she should have stayed t home where she belonged to!

  3. Gerry Ashley says:

    Hi Jean,

    Just to reiterate, this was a work of fiction from the Tongue-in-cheek department. FLOTUS had no “attack.” That was just a set-up for the joke: the irony of her not being able to see a doctor in a timely manner because Denmark already has the medical system similar to what Obama wants for us. When comedy is involved, put it in neutral, suspend all beliefs (political and otherwise) and just enjoy the humor for what it is: Us laughing about ourselves and some of the dumb things we all do.

    Thanks for the reply.


  4. Tom Folkes says:

    OK, everybody, let’s appreciate Gerry’s well written humor, then ask ourselves why would ANY city ANYWHERE want to host the Olympics? To the best that I have been able to determine, host cities generally end up with massive debt anyway. It has been said that Toronto was left with a billion dollar debt. At 2.7 million in population, that is 370 bucks per person. Pretty high priced ticket, even if you did go see it, which most did not. Other cities have been left with multimillion dollar maintenance costs for largely unused facilities. You know, kind of like the energizer bunny, they just keep taking and taking and taking. Of course, Beijing was a masterpiece production, but it wasn’t paid for by the city. The only folks, besides the IOC, who profit from these events are a few politicos with egos that need to be financed on the backs of the general population. Oh, I forgot about the unions. Yeah, they profit, too. Big whoop. As for the sham regarding an “infusion of money” to a blighted city and its people, I say figure up how much you want to spend on the Olympics, and divy it up to the people directly with tax credits and let some other sucker actually host the thing. Of course, I may be a bit cynical……

    • Gerry Ashley says:

      Excellent point, Tom.

      And to be honest, in this post 9/11 environment, and with the borders being an open conduit for this country all along, who knows how many terrorist cells may be here and rehearsing for just such an opportunity to strike and embarrass us for being unable to protect our guests?

      The games themselves have become heavily politicized to the point where I could care less if we see another Olympics in this country at all. The costs, the security concerns… it all adds up to a negative gain.

      As far as Chicago is concerned, I believe Obama’s ego was the driving force (do you really think he’d have made an in-person pitch if it were Boise, Idaho vying for the games?

      Nothing against the city, but the political machine there has soured me on doing any kind of business there. And Obama’s failure to get the nod for the Olympics HAD to be a blow to Obama’s ego.

      He’s rapidly falling back to earth after coming to the realization that he’s not President of Earth. With any luck at all, he won’t be President of The US after 2012. Too many people are coming to the realization that passionate speeches doesn’t cut it when you don’t have the experience for the job. And 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. is not the place for On-The-Job training. Say… do you suppose that’s why he spends so little time actually THERE?


  5. Tom Folkes says:

    Gerry, your last sentence is dead on the mark. Obama has been on an endless procession of appearances and speeches, to the point that it is obvious that somebody else is doing the work of the President (if it is being done at all). He appears to simply be a mouthpiece, the pitch man if you will, for the ideas being channeled to him by his handlers. It is also very clear that he literally has no time at all to be a part of the speech writing process. The minions churn out his words for him. It shows every time something happens to the teleprompter. His delivery suffers drastically as he morphs from the seductive speaker to a stumbling searcher for words who often makes mistakes. They are not his words, rather the words of others whom he has hired or admires. As for his not being the President of the Earth, amen to that. We saw that the mostly European members of the Olympic committee were more interested in embarrassing the US than they were enamored of him. Must be a terrible blow to the ego. Just heard today that there are people in San Diego trying to put together an effort to get the summer games here for 2020. God help us. We’re already broke enough.

  6. Doug says:

    Overall a superb rant, the linkage of Mr. West to the First Lady Ms. Obama after the President called him a “jackass” made me a bit uncomfortable. Perhaps my age ( child of the sixties ) is showing.

    • Gerry Ashley says:

      Hi Doug,

      Thanks for your comments, but I’m not sure what you’re referring to in regards to Mrs. Obama. I do not link Kanye West to the First Lady. In my fictional piece, I have him yanking the microphone out of the hands of the rep from the IOC (International Olympic Committee)… not Mrs. Obama. It just happened that the text itself was wrapped around the photo of Mrs. Obama.

      Thank you again for your comments.

      Gerry (also a child of the ’60s)

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