Grand Rants Brain Teaser: Guess Which Campaign Promise President Obama Has Kept
(Hint: There’s only ONE).
Now, how about a little assistance from the President himself:
As President of the United States, I have tried repeatedly to convince you, the American public, that in 20 years of attending his church services, I never heard my friend and pastor, Reverend Wright make any racist, anti-white comments that would cause anyone alarm.
I told you that if I had heard him say such things, Michelle and I would have left the church. But you saw through me. My goodness.
Uh, as your President, I had promised you would always have at least five days to examine any legislation pending on my desk so you could understand the impact of legislation about to be signed into law. Then when the stimulus package came along, I saw a chance to shove in a whole bunch of funding to groups like ACORN and I just didn’t want to have to explain myself to everyone. So I made up this story about how this legislation had to be signed immediately or else unemployment might rise above 8.5%, and I jammed it through before you could catch on. But unemployment is now approaching 10% and once again, you, the American public, have seen through my lies and deception. Darn the luck.
I had also promised you I would not sign any legislation that allowed for “pork barrel” projects. Uh, unfortunately, some of you actually read all 1,400 pages of the stimulus package since it passed, and now you know there were literally thousands of pork projects all through the bill that made this the single biggest expenditure of any president in the history of the US. In fact, you now know that I have already spent more money than all previous presidents combined. I uh… didn’t think you would learn all, uh… that about me. I thought you loved me and would just accept what I was doing since I am the President. But now I realize that you have seen through this too. Dear me.
When I selected Van Jones as my Green Jobs czar, I lavished praise on him for the wonderful work he had accomplished as, uh, a rising young star. I was really hoping nobody would notice he was a, uh, self-avowed Communist, or that he was one of those “truthers” who presumed President Bush knew about the 9/11 attack in advance. But once again, you saw through that. Good gracious!
Surely, I thought, I had you with health care reform. I said to myself, “Uh… there’s no way in hell these rubes will catch on that my real agenda is complete socialization of our medical system.” It seemed so easy: I knew you wanted health care reform, so I’d wrap it in a program that would give me control of fully one sixth of the ub…nation’s economy. How could this fail? But no! America’s voters had to go and wake up! And when you did, you all saw right through me again!
Well then… let’s see. Maybe I’ll have better luck shutting down the Internet and conservative talk radio so you people won’t be able to have such awareness! But there’s one thing that I need to point out right here and now. And let me be clear: With all of you people seeing right through me, this can only mean one thing: I have finally kept one of my Campaign Promises: