Czar Wars Episode 1: May The Farce Be With You


Cyberspace: The Final Frontier (of free speech)

It’s a troublesome time in the galaxy. Talk radio has been muffled by a series of end-run laws enacted by the FCC that don’t violate the free speech amendment, but levy fines on broadcasters who air programs that criticize the leadership of Global Emperor Problama. Voices of conservative viewpoints were silenced:

  • Crush Limbaugh was forced to shut down the Limbaugh Institute for Advanced Conservative Studies because it would have required he start including courses in Community Organization 101, Advanced Entitlement Theory and “How To Win The Hearts Of Voters (or rig voter registration if necessary).  
  • Sean Vanity (known as “Van Solo” for his brave efforts on his own) disappeared from backstage at one of his “Freedom Concerts” and was never heard from again.
  • Glenn Dreck was Baker-acted for a week-end and then forcibly admitted to The Rum Emanuel Center for Ex-Broadcaster Socialist Studies (RECESS). The only remaining conservative voices were the bloggers of the Internet (BOI).

Pockets of those bloggers continued to post their conservative views on the Internet. It was all that’s left of “The Resistance” and we all knew those days would be numbered if Buh-Spock had his way.

For months, we heard rumblings that Problama was planning to seize control of all political Internet content.  Princess Balkin tried her best to warn the masses, but it was too late: The Cyber-Czar had already been launched and within mere weeks, “The Great Darkness”  had begun.

It seemed innocent enough at first.  The Cyber-Czar, Problama assured us, would only be interested in hunting down threats to military and defense Internet sites and networks accessible through the Internet. As a secondary concern, the Czar would also watch for threats to the public network sectors upon which all Internet  Commerce depends.

But soon it became obvious that what the government saw as “threats” was quite different than the average civilian. And so it began. The first blow came when the Emperor secretly added extra power to the job description of the Internet Czar. None of this went through the normal process of creating new government positions, but that had never stopped Problama before. Besides, even if he DID seek the official blessing of Congress, he know he had it, so why bother with formalities? It just slowed him down…

Cap and Trade was another tool Problama used to grasp control. With electric rates going up by an average of 500%, it was fast becoming too expensive for the Resistance to go on-line to post their work.  The combined effect created an environment of darkness.

Was the world doomed to live this way forever? Had the voice of opposition been permenantly silenced in this dimension?

Stay tuned for episode 2.

Gerry Ashley


2 Responses to Czar Wars Episode 1: May The Farce Be With You

  1. Sissy Willis says:

    Too close to the truth for comfort. Brilliant!

  2. Gerry Ashley says:

    Thanks… gulp! Future episodes maybe driven by events as they unfold. Unlike “Star Wars” however, we may not be looking forward to the sequels.

    But buried in the Washington Post article about this, was a two-line “clarification” that looked like this:

    “The White House’s role will be to oversee the process, formulate policy and coordinate agencies’ roles, and will not be operational, administration officials have said.”

    Uh-huh. Formulating policy? That’s about as “operational” as it gets. The administration just passes the actual implemention down to someone else so if it turns out badly…

    By now, we’ve learned that the White House releases a warm and fuzzy statement, or Obama himself makes a speech for the ages which is dynamic and progressive. And with those words buzzing in our heads, he often turns around and does something that’s quite different and not so dynamic but leaves the door wide open for “REpressive.” I seem to remember him saying during the campaign, a promise that he would not sign any bill until the American people have had 5 days to examine it on-line so we’d know what we’re getting. First chance he gets, he breaks that promise and signs the most wasteful spending bill in the history of mankind. Dynamic? OK, I guess you could call it that. But Progressive? For WHO?

    Time will tell which direction this goes in. Let’s hope for the best, but be prepared for whatever may come. Or as “Joe-Joe Binks” Biden might say, “Meesa thinks wowsa the surprise you gonna be.”

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