New Mantra: “Trust In Obama. He is a Harvard Graduate.”

 

These days, I spend the greater amount of my leisure time in deep meditation.  My personal Guru, the Maharishi Haban-a-gud Dai, assigned me a sealed mantra which I was to open when I felt the stress of current events closing in on me. Then,  I was to read the mantra, commit it to memory, go to a dark, quiet place and repeat it slowly over and over again until calm.

Upon returning home, I went on-line and read about the bailout stimulus Golden Porkulus  package authored by Nancy Pelosi and hyped by President Obama as the ONLY way out of this economic quagmire.  A friend of mine who is good at math explained how the $800 Billion being spent now, with the interest accrued, amounts to trillions of dollars. He then went into graphic detail to illustrate how, if you laid $100 bills end to end, a trillion dollars would stretch from here to Tiera del Fuego…

I excused myself and immediately proceeded to my walk-in closet. There, with a stack of MREs (Meals Ready-To-Eat) that would enable me to stay, if necessary, through 2011, I pulled out the sealed envelope containing my Mantra.  I ripped open the envelope containing my mantra and unfolded the paper. All it said was, “Trust In Obama. He is a Harvard Graduate.”

A week later, I had to come out of the closet to check on my dog. He was gone, but left a note that said I would be hearing from his ASPCA lawyer. I think it’s safe to say that the material he used to secure the envelope wasn’t sealing wax.

“Trust in Obama He is a Harvard Graduate!”

I decided to catch up on the news I had missed. First thing I see on the Internet is how horribly Obama has insulted England in regards to the return of the Winston Churchill statue and  Gordon Brown’s visit which was the biggest diplomatic slap-in-the-face since Bill  Clinton asked Prince Charles, “How’s the marriage going with Diana? I mean, have I got a shot here, or what?”  Oh wait. That wasn’t Bill. That was Beetlejuice.  But he was probably thinking that.

“Trust in Obama He is a Harvard Graduate!”

Then, I read that Obama now wants to negotiate with moderate members of the Taliban… I injured my jaw on the tile floor. Do you want to tell him or should I?

“Trust in Obama He is a Harvard Graduate!”

My share of the bill for the StimulusPorkulus package comes to a little over $25,000.

“Trust in Obama He is a Harvard Graduate!”

Today, I found out that it’s official: My pension virtually no longer exists, and by the time I’m ready to retire, Social Security will either be gone or reduced to “So-So Security” which means, I get to work until I drop (assuming I can find someone to keep me on as I wither away). Welcome to “Change.” In fact, change is all I’ll have left of my savings and pension.

“Trust in Obama He is a Harvard Graduate!”

 I’m trying to figure out my budget to see if I’m going to have enough money (after new taxes) to include food in my budget. I called the White House to see if Obama has any suggestions, only to be told he can’t be interrupted… he’s having a few guests over for a dinner of Wagyu-Beef  while Earth Wind and Fire entertain. Oh, and coming next week? Tina Turner!

 He’s beginning to seem less like a Harvard Graduate and more like George Jefferson every day.

“Trust in Obama He is a…”

Aw, screw it. I’ve always said that Harvard is greatly over-rated. I’m gonna go back into my closet and open up a nice MRE and maybe have a nice bottle of water with it.  I think a bottle of Whitewater will do just fine. Hey, do MRE’s come with Wagyu-beef ?

Gerry Ashley

One Response to New Mantra: “Trust In Obama. He is a Harvard Graduate.”

  1. Darby says:

    I enjoyed your essay with one exception. Obama is NOTHING like George Jefferson. I am a fan of the show and George was a self-made businessman and very proud of that fact. We would be in better shape if Obama was like George. Obama has no experiences to speak of outside of government or academia. He is not experienced at solving problems, only appropriating the money from the hard work of taxpayers to throw at problems. Maybe if Obama ever had to make a payroll and cover expenses his approach to the economy would be more realistic. When George Jefferson moved on up “to the east side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky” no one helped him buy his “piece of the pie”. When the Obamas’ moved on up, Tony Resko helped them get their piece, they did not earn it themselves. So please, I greatly admire the George Jefferson character and am offended when he is compared to President Obama.

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