Breaking News: Obama Switches To Stand-up Comedy

This just in from the TIC (Tongue-In-Cheek) News Network:

Washington DC – (TIC) President Barack Obama, in a move some Republicans are calling “calculated to counter his “Doom & Gloom” speeches recently, has decided to add Stand-Up Comedy to his speaking style.

The day after the Senate House of Reps (just wait) approved his pork-riddled $410 Billion, cluttered to the gills with earmarks, Obama announced he will be outlining his proposal for cutting wasteful spending.

(Cue laugh track)

From the AP news story on

Obama’s directive would order Peter Orszag, director of the White House Office of Management and Budget, to work with Cabinet and agency officials to draft new contracting rules by the end of September. Those new rules, officials said, would make it more difficult for contractors to bilk taxpayers and make around $500 billion in federal contracts each year more accessible to independent contractors.

Oh, the sweet irony! One way contractors could be prevented from bilking us out of $500 Billion in federal contracts is to stop passing “Stimulus Packages” costing hundreds of billions of dollars. Simply put, those packages are loaded with over 8,000 slabs of pork. (Do we REALLY need a high-speed rail linking Los Angeles to Las Vegas, Harry Reid?).

Remember the good old days when if politicians wanted to shove a bill down the taxpayers’ throats (and down our wallets), they actually had to do it LEGALLY by presenting a bill with a single point project and pass it in both houses plus get the President to sign it? I think way back then they called that a system of Checks & Balances. Now, all you have to do is have the Congressional Cheerleaders join the President in declaring dire emergencies that can only be solved by spending more trillions of dollars, then attaching all your porcine projects to this emergency legislation and, Voila!  up to 8 Years of Lobbying is now reduced to ONE BILL.

There’s your CHANGE, Obama fans. All that lobbying and screwing of the taxpayers, reduced from 8 years down to 6 weeks!

But wait! There’s More! Act before midnight tonight  and here’s what you’ll get (at a phenomenal extra charge):

No doubt ACORN will receive a $20 million grant to study how to change the whole procurement system.

Gerry Ashley


One Response to Breaking News: Obama Switches To Stand-up Comedy

  1. […] Mr. President: “Transparent Procurement For Dummies” Is Available NOW! In my previous rant, I mentioned that President Obama wants to close the barn door of government spending, now that all […]

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