Nobody Expects the Senate Inquisition!

I’m sorry. I know it’s mean-spirited, politically divisive, and does nothing to help Michelle Obama’s children. But I swear, I can’t help myself.


Nobody expects the SENATE INQUISITION!

Harry Reid: Senator Burris– you are accused of corruption on three counts — corruption in print, corruption in word, corruption by deed, and corruption by action — *four* counts. Do you resign?

Roland Burris: I don’t understand what I’m accused of. You just didn’t ask the right questions.

Reid: Ha! Then we’ll make you understand! Senator Durbin! Fetch…THE CUSHIONS!


[Dick Durbin holds out two ordinary modern household cushions]

Durbin: Here they are, Senator.

Reid: Now, Mr. Burris — you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of corruption, resign from your Senate seat — *two* last chances. And you shall be free — *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.

Burris: I really don’t know what you’re talking about.

Reid: Right! If that’s the way you want it — Sen. Durbin! Poke him with the soft cushions!

[Durbin carries out this rather pathetic torture]

Reid: Resign! Resign! Resign!

Durbin: It doesn’t seem to be hurting him, Harry.

Reid: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?

Durbin: Yes, Harry.

Reid [angrily hurling away the cushions]: Hmm! He must be made of stronger stuff! Governor Quinn! Fetch…THE COMFY SENATE SEAT!


[Zoom into Quinn’s horrified face]

Quinn [terrified]: The…Comfy Senate Seat?

[Durbin pushes in a comfy chair — a really plush one]

Reid: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Dick! Put him in the Comfy Senate Seat!

[They roughly push Burris into the Comfy Senate Seat]

Reid [with a cruel leer]: Now — you will stay in the Comfy Senate Seat until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [aside, to Durbin] Is that really all it is?

Durbin: Yes, Senator.

Reid : I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Resign, man! Resign! Resign! Resign! Resign! Resign!

Durbin: I resign!

Reid: Not you, Dick!


For those of you who are completely bewildered, this may help.



One Response to Nobody Expects the Senate Inquisition!

  1. Josie says:

    Well done!! Been a long time since I’ve heard that scene and your setting is perfect! Good work!

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