A Winning Strategy For McCain?

This Just In From the Tongue-In-Cheek News Service (“TIC”)

By now, it’s fairly obvious to most that ACORN seems to be dedicated to creating as many “extra” voters for Obama as possible to assure him of victory in next month’s Presidential election.

For John McCain, the task before him is enormous. He’s working his tail off to get every legitimate vote while Obama basks in the knowledge that, most likely thanks to ACORN, not only are millions of people going to vote for him, but a lot of dead people too. In fact, I’m pretty sure Obama can count on Mickey Mouse’s vote since the moldy rodent registered in Florida. So did Goofy, Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck and the rest of the Disney family.

As the FBI investigation widens, however, Obama might just find himself on the wrong end of the ugly stick. Assuming the investigtion digs deep enough to find the real purpose (and use) of that $800,000+ “contribution” to ACORN, Obama might suffer the same fate as Eddie Valiant’s brother in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” If you recall, Valiant bemoaned the fact that his brother was “Done in by a bunch of ‘toons.” The Mickey Mouse voter registration could ultimately make Obama look… well, GOOFY. Ah-hyuck!

Meanwhile, I hear a lot of people complaining, “I just don’t know if I can vote for John McCain… he might DIE in office!” Hey, his mother is in her 90s and, if I’m not mistaken, just signed up on “Match.com.” She recently announced she was going to have to push off the start of her Tae-bo classes until she returns from running in The Boston Marathon. So I think we can assume that John McCain comes from a pretty decent gene pool.

The truth of the matter is that John McCain just looks a lot older because he’s standing next to Sarah Palin. I think the real issue is that John McCain needs a charisma implant. Better yet, maybe he should replace the endings of his TV and Radio ads. Instead of the cliched “I’m John McCain and I approve of this ad,” maybe he should just state: I”m John McCain. I might not be the most exciting candidate running, but I won’t lead you down the path to becoming a socialist state.”

When you think about it, it’s too bad the election is so close. We could use a few extra weeks with a new Campaign Slogan for McCain/Palin that would shake things up a bit. A few suggestions:

1.) “McCain/Palin – Nope, No Terrorists In Our Inner Circle.”

2.) “Vote McCain-Palin for 8 more years of Democracy and Freedom.”

3.) “McCain-Palin: You can say our name 3 times fast. (Go ahead. Try the other guys)”

4.) “McCain-Palin: Something Old and Something New – Saving Democracy For You.”

5.) “Sarah Palin: Ready To Lead When McCain’s Taking His Nap.”

I’m Gerry Ashley and I approve of this rant.