Obama Heads To Tonight Show To Do Damage Control

Pity poor Barack Obama! If only he knew how to do something besides campaign!  I mean it’s been quite an eventful 2 months:

• He’s batting zero when it comes to nominees and appointees. And he’s really hoping we’ve all forgotten how he proudly stood behind Timothy “Turbo Tax” Geithner.
• He’s added more to the debt in the first two months than all previous Presidents combined.
• He has been caught lying repeatedly. Example: ”There’s not ONE earmark in this stimulus package. ” Well, I guess technically that’s not a lie. There were over 9,000 individual pieces of pork. Technically, that’s “not ONE” as defined in the William Jefferson Clinton dictionary.
• His polls are slipping away to the point where George Bush’s numbers were better than Obie’s at the same point in HIS presidency.

So what do you do when you’re a President with NO experience and suddenly find yourself overwhelmed, making bad decisions and you just wish you could hear that adoration from the crowd again? Why you go back to “campaigning” again. Only this time, you make guest appearances in front of FRIENDLY crowds who sit before “Applause” signs. An environment that allows you to bring your teleprompter (or cue cards). You bring your routine to The Tonight Show with Jay Leno!  So, tonight it’s off to the Tonight Show where he can hear the sounds of adulation from a crowd while being hit with such hard hitting questions from Leno such as:

• Do you and Michelle still have a “Date Night” at the White House?
• How’s the search for a puppy going?

A word of advice for Herr Obama: You might want to take your act to The Late Show with David Letterman on the way back east. He gets a little pissy when he thinks people are blowing him off. Remember how he went for McCain’s throat when he was stood up last fall? I’m just sayin’… And I can see it now: “Ladies & Gentlemen, I have here in my hand tonight’s Top Ten list. Tonight’s list: Top Ten Things New Yorkers Will  Have To Say To Obama When He Comes To Visit Late Night:”

10.) Hey, we’ve reserved a nice spot for Air Force One right there on the Hudson.

9.) Whussup? I just cleaned your damn windshield! An you won’t even roll your window down an tip me? (SPIT!)

8.) Hey, Obama! I got  your stimulus package, right here!

7.) We got enough busses over at the port authority to throw your entire Cabinet under.

6.) I’m Sorry, but Mujibur and Sirajul no longer work here. They’ve gone back to Bangladesh to work as Phone Support  technicians for Microsoft.

5.) Yo, Obama! Mah Man… $20 billion if you can guess which card is the red queen…

4.) No, seriously, Mr. President. I’m Tina Fey. Sara lives in Alaska, remember? And, by the way, if I may add one more thing?  You’re at the wrong network.

3.) “I’m sorry, Mr. President, but you can’t open the show by yelling, “Live From New York, It’s Saturday Night” for several reasons…

2.) Sir, your teleprompter doesn’t seem to be working. Sir? It’s OK, sir, please don’t cry. Seriously. We have back-up cue cards. Sir? Sir? Hey Where’d  he go?

And the number one thing New Yorkers will have to say to President Obama when he comes to visit late night?

1. Mr. Trump wants to see you in the board room. Bring Bernanke and Geithner. One of you will be fired.

Gerry Ashley

The Hole Gets Deeper…

Sorry to be such a pest (and a pest and a pest), but someone has to do it… America is digging a hole it can’t get out of.

Getting nervous? So are the Chinese…

Bottom line? Well, it’s all very short and not so sweet… The markets may well rebound through 2010… But somewhere around 2012 our national debt to GDP ratio will hit about 5:1 to 6:1… After that, look out.

Alan Speakman

UPDATE: Concerning that 6:1 ratio…

New Mantra: “Trust In Obama. He is a Harvard Graduate.”

 

These days, I spend the greater amount of my leisure time in deep meditation.  My personal Guru, the Maharishi Haban-a-gud Dai, assigned me a sealed mantra which I was to open when I felt the stress of current events closing in on me. Then,  I was to read the mantra, commit it to memory, go to a dark, quiet place and repeat it slowly over and over again until calm.

Upon returning home, I went on-line and read about the bailout stimulus Golden Porkulus  package authored by Nancy Pelosi and hyped by President Obama as the ONLY way out of this economic quagmire.  A friend of mine who is good at math explained how the $800 Billion being spent now, with the interest accrued, amounts to trillions of dollars. He then went into graphic detail to illustrate how, if you laid $100 bills end to end, a trillion dollars would stretch from here to Tiera del Fuego…

I excused myself and immediately proceeded to my walk-in closet. There, with a stack of MREs (Meals Ready-To-Eat) that would enable me to stay, if necessary, through 2011, I pulled out the sealed envelope containing my Mantra.  I ripped open the envelope containing my mantra and unfolded the paper. All it said was, “Trust In Obama. He is a Harvard Graduate.”

A week later, I had to come out of the closet to check on my dog. He was gone, but left a note that said I would be hearing from his ASPCA lawyer. I think it’s safe to say that the material he used to secure the envelope wasn’t sealing wax.

“Trust in Obama He is a Harvard Graduate!”

I decided to catch up on the news I had missed. First thing I see on the Internet is how horribly Obama has insulted England in regards to the return of the Winston Churchill statue and  Gordon Brown’s visit which was the biggest diplomatic slap-in-the-face since Bill  Clinton asked Prince Charles, “How’s the marriage going with Diana? I mean, have I got a shot here, or what?”  Oh wait. That wasn’t Bill. That was Beetlejuice.  But he was probably thinking that.

“Trust in Obama He is a Harvard Graduate!”

Then, I read that Obama now wants to negotiate with moderate members of the Taliban… I injured my jaw on the tile floor. Do you want to tell him or should I?

“Trust in Obama He is a Harvard Graduate!”

My share of the bill for the StimulusPorkulus package comes to a little over $25,000.

“Trust in Obama He is a Harvard Graduate!”

Today, I found out that it’s official: My pension virtually no longer exists, and by the time I’m ready to retire, Social Security will either be gone or reduced to “So-So Security” which means, I get to work until I drop (assuming I can find someone to keep me on as I wither away). Welcome to “Change.” In fact, change is all I’ll have left of my savings and pension.

“Trust in Obama He is a Harvard Graduate!”

 I’m trying to figure out my budget to see if I’m going to have enough money (after new taxes) to include food in my budget. I called the White House to see if Obama has any suggestions, only to be told he can’t be interrupted… he’s having a few guests over for a dinner of Wagyu-Beef  while Earth Wind and Fire entertain. Oh, and coming next week? Tina Turner!

 He’s beginning to seem less like a Harvard Graduate and more like George Jefferson every day.

“Trust in Obama He is a…”

Aw, screw it. I’ve always said that Harvard is greatly over-rated. I’m gonna go back into my closet and open up a nice MRE and maybe have a nice bottle of water with it.  I think a bottle of Whitewater will do just fine. Hey, do MRE’s come with Wagyu-beef ?

Gerry Ashley

Save The Posturing, Mr. President: “Transparent Procurement For Dummies” Is Available NOW!

 

In my previous rant, I mentioned that President Obama wants to close the barn door of government spending, now that all his donkeys and other assorted asses are safely out and all their pork is accounted for.

Yesterday, on National Review’s blog “The Corner,” Roger Clegg noted Obama’s plan to re-design the process for awarding government contracts. Clegg’s main concern seemed to be the awarding of contracts to minority and gender specific companies, thus circumventing the “lowest bidder” format. While I share Roger’s concerns, I also see the issue of the $2,400 hammer based on an award to a company whose interests are represented by lobbyists.

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were an all-in-one solution? That’s what Obama claims as his goal. But, as is always the case with Obama, Style over Substanceis the issue. Case in point – Obama is once again posing and posturing as he seeks a solution that already exists; once again exposing his naivete. Consider (and if you really want to see your tax dollars spent wisely, I urge you to read the following carefully):

From the article in The Washington Post:  

‘President Obama ordered a government-wide review of federal contracting procedures yesterday,’ and continues with the administration’s desire, among other things, to save money and end fraud, waste, and abuse.”

Toward that end, PrObama has set a goal of having Director of the White House Office of Management and Budget Peter Orszag work with Cabinet and agency officials to redesign the process governing procurement to make it more difficult for contractors to bilk taxpayers and the playing ground more accessible to independent and mnority contractors.

Perhaps the biggest indication that this is another case of Obama’s “Style Over Substance” governing: William J. Lynn III, a former Raytheon lobbyistwho is now Obama’s Deputy Defense Secretary, will be responsible for overseeing procurement reform. Wait a minute… Wasn’t one of Obama’s campaign promises one in which he pledged that NO LOBBYISTS would be appointed to key political positions in an Obama administration? But I digress. 

The article went on to state:

Although he estimated that a more coherent system could save billions of dollars, several specialists in the field said that most of the financial benefits would not be realized for years and that other changes probably would cost money because they would involve adding employees to manage and monitor contracts.

Absolute Horse CRAP!  With all due respect Mr. President, why do you believe the only wheels that work are the ones invented by Team Obama?   In point of fact, the  job of setting up a tamper-proof procurement system that will guarantee significant savings  has already been done for you! It’s ready to go to work saving taxpayer’s money  TODAY!  It’s a virtually fool-proof system that:

• Assures saving money by revealing the lowest bid once the bidding has closed.
• Guarantees transparency and accountability through electronic monitoring throughout the process
• Prevents contracts from being given to favored lobbyist-backed vendors
• Evens the playing field for smaller and minority-owned businesses

This well-designed Internet-based On-Line Procurement System is made by a company named  Sicommnet. A quick check of the San Diego-based company’s web site shows that they offer a secure bidding system that is open to ALL qualified vendors from small  independent companies to large corporate icons like Halliburton. Minority-run companies also have an even playing field.

Each business that signs on to their system (for a reasonable fee) can be alerted to any or specific proposal requests or requests for bids in any one of hundreds of traditional categories and subcategories. At the end of bidding, the winning bid is made public (there’s your TRANSPARENCY, Mr. President) so the public can see the winning bid. This gives America’s taxpayers reassurance that the LOW bid is the winning bid and prevents NASA from spending $2,400 for a hammer as part of a pork-u-lous project given to some Senator’s high-school buddy. 

Full disclosure: I spent a year with Sicommnet doing technical writing back in 2000. I have personally seen the design work of the software developers as it has developed over the years. This is a sterling product, but I’m sure if the President’s team scans the Internet, they can find others to compare against. Maybe put THAT contract up for bids…

Gerry Ashley

Breaking News: Obama Switches To Stand-up Comedy

This just in from the TIC (Tongue-In-Cheek) News Network:

Washington DC – (TIC) President Barack Obama, in a move some Republicans are calling “calculated to counter his “Doom & Gloom” speeches recently, has decided to add Stand-Up Comedy to his speaking style.

The day after the Senate House of Reps (just wait) approved his pork-riddled $410 Billion, cluttered to the gills with earmarks, Obama announced he will be outlining his proposal for cutting wasteful spending.

(Cue laugh track)

From the AP news story on Foxnews.com:

Obama’s directive would order Peter Orszag, director of the White House Office of Management and Budget, to work with Cabinet and agency officials to draft new contracting rules by the end of September. Those new rules, officials said, would make it more difficult for contractors to bilk taxpayers and make around $500 billion in federal contracts each year more accessible to independent contractors.

Oh, the sweet irony! One way contractors could be prevented from bilking us out of $500 Billion in federal contracts is to stop passing “Stimulus Packages” costing hundreds of billions of dollars. Simply put, those packages are loaded with over 8,000 slabs of pork. (Do we REALLY need a high-speed rail linking Los Angeles to Las Vegas, Harry Reid?).

Remember the good old days when if politicians wanted to shove a bill down the taxpayers’ throats (and down our wallets), they actually had to do it LEGALLY by presenting a bill with a single point project and pass it in both houses plus get the President to sign it? I think way back then they called that a system of Checks & Balances. Now, all you have to do is have the Congressional Cheerleaders join the President in declaring dire emergencies that can only be solved by spending more trillions of dollars, then attaching all your porcine projects to this emergency legislation and, Voila!  up to 8 Years of Lobbying is now reduced to ONE BILL.

There’s your CHANGE, Obama fans. All that lobbying and screwing of the taxpayers, reduced from 8 years down to 6 weeks!

But wait! There’s More! Act before midnight tonight  and here’s what you’ll get (at a phenomenal extra charge):

No doubt ACORN will receive a $20 million grant to study how to change the whole procurement system.

Gerry Ashley

Mad as Hell

We’re not going to drone on about the current fiscal and cultural situations; if you’re familiar with Grand Rants, you’ve seen it all before; and if you’re not, you can search our site and see post after post after post demonstrating the insanity of the financial numbers those clowns in Washington DC have been throwing around.

We’ve made our point. And given the previous post, it’s becoming very plain that people are, in fact, madder than hell. How much longer will they take it?

We may reach this point sooner than anyone thinks.

Alan Speakman

Blowing $300,000 to Create a Job

 

Hey! $900 billion for 3 million new jobs! Cool!

Let’s see that’s 900,000,000,000/3,000,000…

Wait… Ummm… That’s $300,000 per job creation… (Somebody please check my math and tell me that I’m just cross-eyed!)

And if you think that we’ll actually get 3,000,000 jobs, you’re nuts…

Alan Speakman

Friday Round-up: 01-23-09

 

Gerald Warner at the Telegraph has some dire warnings about the future in his article, “Barack Obama inauguration: this Emperor has no clothes, it will all end in tears”. I do believe he may be correct:

“To anyone who kept his head, the string of Christmas cracker mottoes booming through the public address system on Washington’s National Mall can only excite scepticism. It is crucial to recall the reality that lies behind the rhetoric. Denouncing “those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents” comes ill from a man whose flagship legislation, the Freedom of Choice Act, will impose abortion, including partial-birth abortion, on every state in the Union. It seems the era of Hope is to be inaugurated with a slaughter of the innocents.”

There’s more, and it’s all very compelling.

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Last week, Hugh Hewitt linked to a very interesting article about the economy as seen through the eyes (as it were) of the Disney corporation. Perhaps things aren’t as bad as we think:

“ …The news coming out of Lake Buena Vista these days is still lots better than anyone ever anticipated back in late October / early November.

Which is why — very quietly — Walt Disney World has begun thawing out some previously frozen projects…

…No, I’m talking about WDW’s family suites project. Which will involve taking those half-completed buildings on the Legendary Years side of Disney’s Pop Century Resort and then turning them into two, three and four-bedroom units where entire families can stay together during their Disney World vacations. Just this past week, contracts were signed to begin the clean-up / preparatory phase on this construction project. Which will involve sending survey teams into this long-empty structures to identify where repairs need to be made. More importantly, what walls need to come down.

Now keep in mind that Disney is doing this work in early 2009 because the Company genuinely believes that — by mid-2010 (i.e. when the first of these family suites buildings will actually be ready for Guests to occupy) — that the economy will have made a strong enough recovery that there’ll actually be demand for these types of rooms on property. And as the economy gets stronger & stronger, more & more blocks of rooms at Disney’s Pop Century will be transformed into family suites…”

So a huge corporation thinks the economy is doing well enough, relatively speaking, to plan for growth in the coming years. I find that heartening, don’t you?

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Lastly, here is one more lovely farewell, courtesy of A Soldier’s Perspective, via The Anchoress (via Mom):

Let’s leave it at that, shall we?

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Unless you’d like to see some peaceful video of birds at a feeder. What’s that? You would? Well, okay, if  you insist, here’s just the ticket, by way of eBirdseed:

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Have a terrific weekend!

Stoutcat

THIS is Why I Don’t Want Universal Health Care

 

If you’ve been watching the ongoing “Benny Hill”/”Three Stooges” insanely tawdry Blago schtick, your stomach may be doing flip-flops. I know mine is.

The narcissim, selfishness, incompetence, and gross stubris of cheap IL government rings true relative to the drunken monkey show that is the Minnesota vote count. (These people can’t even count “1, 2, 3″… )

And this is the same government that’s going to manage national health care? Manage my health care?

I’d rather have Billy Mays before that!

Alan Speakman

Suppose It Doesn’t Work?

1/8/09, 11:14 AM EST, President-elect Barak Obama’s speech…

It was a stunning economy speech.  It really was.

Reaganesque: “…we will look back on 2009 as one of those years that marked another new and hopeful beginning for the United States of America.”

JFKesque: “..the first question each of us asks isn’t ‘What’s good for me?’ but ‘What’s good for the country my children will inherit?”"

FDResque: “…the same spirit that has led previous generations to face down war, depression, and fear itself.”

But the success of the stuff of the speech depends on the stuff of both us and now. Can we as a culture truly rise to the challenge as our forefathers did? Or suppose Obama’s trillion-dollar cash splash mimics that of Dubya’s $700 billion, or even FDR’s  (what would now be a half-billion questionably successful) experiment.What happens if China and/or Japan stops “helping us” by lending money to underwrite this new “New Deal”? (God forbid China/Japan gets skittish and calls us on our already existing trillion-dollar debt to those folks alone.)

Aside from the Burt Gummers of the world, who among us is really ready for total collapse? I don’t think it’s likely to happen — at least not yet. But what if it does?

My hunch is that this is just the creaking of things falling apart – the Medicare/Medicaid/Social Security rough beast slouching in the distance; and who’s ready for that? Really… Suppose all the DC machinations just don’t work?

Sooner or later, something wicked this way comes.

Alan Speakman