A Storm Brewing on Tax Day

Don’t be surprised if some of the Tea Parties today turn ugly. There are two groups that may clash tomorrow – one, the “Hannity/O’Reilly/Limbaugh/Beck/Coulter” crowd, and the other the agenda-blind (but very-well funded) ACORN ilk. Things to think very seriously about…

• The far left is out-and-out lying. Consider the following April 14 quote:
  

  “This is the first we’ve heard of these so-called ‘tea parties.’ And, frankly, a bunch of small get-togethers by fringe conservative activists dedicated to simply saying ‘no’ is of little interest to us,” said ACORN spokesman Brian Kettenring.

  Remember, ACORN is the same group who break into vacant houses claiming, “This is our house now.” Oh goody…

• The 2009 “Pig Book” was just released. That isn’t going to make “The Right” very happy either. The Christian Science Monitor is reporting:
  

  Capitol Hill lawmakers added 10,160 pet projects – aka “pork barrel” projects – to this year’s government spending.

• The new DHS (Dept. of Homeland Security) just released their blistering report warning of “Right-wing Extremism” including a warning concerning “radicalized veterans”… From Fox News:
  

  The report also suggests that returning veterans are attractive recruits for right-wing groups looking for “combat skills and experience” so as to boost their “violent capabilities.” It adds that new restrictions on gun ownership and the difficulty of veterans to reintegrate into their communities “could lead to the potential emergence of terrorist groups or lone wolf extremists capable of carrying out violent attacks.”

  
  That’s not going to sit well with the conservatives either.

The simple fact is that without caution and restraint, two groups of people could collide today, and the collision could very easily follow socioeconomic and racial lines.

Time will tell,

Alan Speakman

New Contest Runs in Tandem with Hillary’s

You mean we taxpayers have to pay for her too?

On Friday, Stoutcat posted a rant marveling at Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s chutzpah for holding a contest to raise funds to help pay off her gambling campaign debt from her presidential run. The winner of her contest gets to choose from three prizes, one of which is a “date” with her husband, former President Bill Clinton. Yes, she’s pimping out her husband to pay her debts.

In conjunction with her contest, Grand Rants has decided to hold a contest of our own. Here’s how it works:

First, enter Hillary’s contest. You can do this in one of two ways:

1. To enter and make a donation to pay down her debt (hah!), click here
2. To enter without making a donation, thereby diluting the pool of suckers who will pony up good cash, click here

Then enter our contest by leaving a comment below, saying “I’m in!” or some such. That’s all you have to do.

If the winner of the Mrs. Clinton’s “grab for cash” raffle also entered our contest, we will provide the winner with a box of bubblegum cigars for his or her big date with Bill. We hope that you will enjoy these cigars while touring The Big Apple with The Big Lemon.

Again: all you have to do is enter Hillary’s contest (here) and then leave a comment on this post saying you’ve entered. Repeat: You do not have to make a donation to enter Hillary’s contest.

Don’t wait! Enter today!

Gerry Ashley

First Lesson for Pirates: How Not to Be Seen

Fox News is reporting that three of the four terrorists pirates who tried to extort booty by hijacking the Maersk Alabama somehow exposed themselves as targets. For that “Darwinian Moment” they each earned a head shot.

OK… How to put this? Ummm… While anyone with an IQ higher than that of a rusty nail already knows the following, let’s just state the obvious…

• Wherever there is anarchy on the high seas involving the U.S., there will be Navy Seals. Don’t ask how they got there.
• All special forces are trained to kill at ranges extending to 1,000 yards. A 30-yard shot is worthy of a bib.
• But the most important, worthless, and asinine lesson that pirates (aka terrorists) need to understand is the “First Lesson of Not Being Seen” – not to stand up…

Perhaps Monty Python can help here…

Alan Speakman

Good News: Captain Phillips Rescued

According to news reports, the captain of the Maersk Alabama was rescued about two hours ago and is now safe on a Navy ship. Other good news: we killed three of his Somali pirate captors during the rescue operation, and captured the fourth.

It appears that, having jumped overboard once before in an attempt to escape, Captain Phillips figured he had given the US Navy enough of a heads-up to try it again, and this time the Navy was prepared, rescued Capt. Phillips, and dealt with the pirates with some dispatch.

It’s interesting to note that this is the second news story in which there is heroism and a happy ending in recent months. You may recall the amazing landing of US Airways Flight 1594 back in January. Another captain, Chesley Sullenberger, brought his injured plane down in the Hudson River with no loss of life. That miracle was due to the skill, professionalism, and can-do attitude of Sullenberger, his crew, the passengers themselves, and their many rescuers.

And on Easter Sunday we now have a happy ending for Captain Phillips, who, according to reports, put himself in grave personal danger in order to save his crew, and was taken captive by Somali pirates as a result.

Yes, Virginia, there still are heroes in this world.

Stoutcat

Win a Date with Bubba–For Free!

From the “Almost Too Good to Be True” Department… 

The New York Daily News is reporting that Hillary Clinton is trying to pay off the massive debt she incurred while running for President last year. So some of her friends have come up with a scheme whereby you can help her pay it off! It’s a raffle, and for a mere five- or ten-dollar (or more) contribution, you could win one of the following “prizes”:

A trip to LA to see the final version of American Idol

Attend the American Idol season finale
You and a guest will watch live as the American Idol judges make their final comments and decisions on this year’s most anticipated season finale!

A trip to Washington DC

Spend a weekend in Washington, D.C. with James Carville and Paul Begala
We’ll fly you to our nation’s capital for a politically filled weekend to see the nation’s capitol and spend time with James Carville and Paul Begala – two of this city’s best political gurus.

A date with Bill Clinton (yes, really)

Spend a day with President Clinton in New York City
 A truly once in a lifetime chance: you and a guest will spend a day with President Clinton and a weekend of fun filled adventure in New York.

Honestly, where do people come up with this stuff? Who in their right mind sat down and thought these were good ideas?

Clearly they’re expecting some big spenders to pony up. But what if I were to tell you that you could enter this wonderful contest without spending a single dime? Would you enter? You would, wouldn’t you! It’s true. Way down at the bottom of the CONTRIBUTE website, there’s small link that allows you to enter without donating a cent. How’s that for “no purchase necessary”?

Readers, here’s your assignment: Go to this link and enter. It looks like you can enter as many times as you’d like.

Of course, there is a downside. For one, what if you win? Eww. For another, your name and email address will be on Hillary’s list so you’ll be getting mail and email from Hillary, Bill, and probably Obama as well. On the other hand, that could be kind of fun. No telling what kind of entertainment there is to be had from some of the mailings you’ll get.

Please. Vote early and vote often. And make sure your friends do too–let’s win this contest!

Stoutcat

Party Like It’s 1773

 

It’s been blogged about; it’s been covered on television (but mostly only by Fox News and PJTV), it’s been Twittered, and it’s happening next week!

We here at Grand Rants are eagerly awaiting April 15. Not only is it tax day, it’s also Tea Party Day, and we’ll be there with bells on, proudly exercising our First Amendment rights, which include not only free speech, but also the right peaceably to assemble!

I will be attending the Boston Tea Party (the day job gets in the way, so my time there will be somewhat limited). I’m hoping to get some pictures, video, and interviews of participants and will post them as soon as I can. Teaming with Alan, I’ll try to do some live-blogging, and if there’s an opportunity, I’ll Twitter while I’m there as well.

I’m eager to see what kind of turn-out there will be in this blue city in this bluest-of-blue states. I know I won’t be the only blogger there (hello, Sissy Willis!), but regardless, watch Grand Rants on Wednesday the 15th.

You never know; armed with my trusty camera, I might just manage to take the shot seen ’round the world.

Stoutcat

Iraqis To US: “Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out”

Saddam's Statue Toppled 2003

Years ago, when I was dating a young lady who worked in a travel agency, a huge poster on the wall beside her desk always intrigued me. It said, “Come Visit The Middle East… Where It All Began.” There was actually a series of these posters, each featuring a different middle eastern country. This particular one featured photos of Iraq. It did the trick. I longed to go there and visit this strange, but alluring country.

This morning’s Christian Science Monitor reports tens of thousands of supporters of Shiite leader Moqtada al-Sadr converged in Firdos Square in Baghdad, to demand that U.S. President Obama “fulfill his promise to withdraw US troops.” This happens, no coincidence by the way, on the sixth anniversary of the day US Troops and joyful Iraqis pulled down the statue of Saddam Hussein that had stood guard in this same square for years in tribute to the former leader.

File this under, “Allah never lets any good deeds go unpunished.”   Tt comes as no surprise to me that the Iraqis would eventually demand US troops vacate the country they liberated from the hands of  murderous tyrant Saddam Hussein.  It should further be pointed out that people in this region were deep into America Bashing long before it became so in vogue that even our current President loves to participate by apologizing for virtually everything this country has done since liberating Europe in WWII. 

Reading between the lines, however, this poses an interesting conundrum for the Obama administration.

• When he was campaigning, Obama repeatedly announced he would end the war quickly and bring the troops home. He often refused to give a specific date or define “quickly.”  This was done principally to give him an edge over Hillary Clinton (really an unnecessary campaign promise, as ACORN had pretty much cleared the way for his nomination through their alleged voter registration fraud in numerous key states).
• Obama announced on February 27th of this year: “Let me say this as plainly as I can: By August 31st, 2010, our combat mission in Iraq will end.” 
• But in the same speech, Obama added he plans to leave a force of 35,000 to 50,000 to advise Iraqi security forces, conduct counter-terrorism missions and protect U.S. personnel.  That’s about half of the number of troops we started out with in 2003.  I’m not sure the Iraqis will see this as a full withdrawal of troops.  Perhaps more of a problem for Obama, those who elected him based on his alleged commitment to end the war and bring all the troops home are bound to be disappointed.

The fact is, history will eventually show that Bush was right to go into Iraq for reasons too numerous to go into in this short space. Key among those reasons, however, was to install some sense of a democracy in a region where the vast majority of people live in the 14th century or earlier based on religious beliefs. These are a people who have fought amongst themselves with sticks and stones for centuries.

Until they caught up to the technologies of war. Now, government and religious radicals in this region have (or are developing) weapons that can essentially wipe the entire Middle East of the face of planet earth. And, unlike western nations, they don’t care if that happens, because it’s an honor to kill and/or BE killed for Allah.

Stability in this region isn’t an option.

The bottom line? It’s not a popular one, but here it is, boys and girls: Bush was right. And Obama would be wise to stick to his guns about maintaining a presence of 20,000-30,000 troops in the area.

It’s been years since I dated that young lady, and I don’t know whatever became of her.  But I can visualize the poster that would be in that office today… “Come See The Middle East. Where It All Began. Before It All Ends.”

Gerry Ashley

CIA Shuts Down Its Secret Prisons?

 

The BBC is reporting that under the direction of CIA Director Leon Panetta, the agency will no longer resort to “black sites“

Ummm… There’s a slight problem here. According to Panetta yesterday (April 9, 2009)…

But the CIA retains the power to detain suspects “on a short-term transitory basis”.

What does “transitory” mean? Does that mean just temporary in time or also in place? Keep in mind that back in February, Panetta said that he would not conduct “extraordinary rendition“… I wonder if after a few debriefings President Obama and Director Panetta are re-thinking this whole issue. And I’m not the only one wondering…

The BBC’s Kevin Connolly says Mr Panetta’s statement has an impressive ring, but the CIA’s secret prisons may never have been elaborate affairs in themselves and decommissioning may be straightforward.

The key issue for the Obama administration, our correspondent adds, will be its policy towards suspects who fall into its hands, not the buildings in which they are held.

Said it before and I’ll say it again… Barack Obama will get what he wants… It’s just that no one knows exactly what that is.

Alan Speakman

From TIC News Dept: Obama Replies To Pirate Hijacking – “Can We Talk?”

 

This just in from the Tongue-In-Cheek (TIC) Newsgroup at Grand Rants

There’s been an odd silence from President Barack Obama in regards to the seizing of an American-flagged cargo ship off the coast of Somalia. So much for a President who makes “Quick, Decisive Action” in times of crisis. 

So the TIC newsgroup at Grand Rants sent a team to catch up with the President to find out why there has been little or no response from the Apologist-In-Chief.  It turns out, the President has had to put the crisis response on “hold” for several reasons:

• His primary speechwriter, Kaniu Digget, ate some bad Baba Ganush while in Turkey and has been sidelined.
• “Teleprompter One” suffered a massive fuse board malfunction and the backup teleprompter wasn’t set for European power standards.

However all problems have now been resolved and here is the transcript of the speech given by the President moments ago:

My Fellow Americans.

I have become aware of a situation off the coast of Somalia that needs to be addressed. As your President, I think this calls for a strong response… one that uh-uh-uh-uh…(hey, move your butt, Rahm, I can’t see the teleprompter!)

… a response that is quick… decisive… and shows the world that the United States will NOT… I repeat will NOT… be held hostage for no reason. Nor do we negotiate with those who illegally detain and hold hostage our fellow citizens.

That said, however, let me be clear. There are times in the past, when the United States has acted boorishly on the high seas. Even reprehensibly. We must ask ourselves: Is their taking of a mere cargo ship comparable to the way we stormed Granada with nearly 10,000 troops?

Wasn’t the invasion of Normandy Beach something that could also be viewed as intrusive? And so, my fellow Americans, it must be noted that, compared to those two landmark examples, this current incident is really little more than a blip on our radar screen. The bigger issue is, I’m sure you will agree, American arrogance on the world’s oceans.

I understand why some of you may look upon our presence in that part of the world as being intrusive. I wish to apologize for that and any other indiscretions previous administrations may have thrust upon the world community with no regard for the impact their actions might have had. As you know, I inherited these problems from the Bush administration and I can’t apologize enough.

To those people who have hijacked our ship and hold its captain hostage, LET ME BE CLEAR: I am willing to meet with a representative of your organization without any preconditions. The dialogue we will share will enable you to list any personal grievances you may have with the United States that we may be unaware of. It is through this very dialogue that we will be able to discover the common ground of Hope and Change.

Let there be no mistake:  This is a new day and the United Socialist States of America, under my excellent leadership has already turned a page or two since we took office.  We WILL resolve this in a peaceful manner that is productive for both sides. And together, we can face the future knowing that “THIS IS OUR TIME.”

Thank you. May God bless all of you and may God bless the United Socialist States of America.

For TIC, Gerry Ashley

Zo Strikes Again

 

One of our favorites, Zo Rachel, now with PJTV, is on a roll, riffing on affirmative action and socializing US automakers.

Hurray for Zo getting out of his basement. And hurray for PJTV for recognizing his talent and taking him under their wing.

Stoutcat