Blagojevich and OJ – Stubris Clowns

 

Some time ago, I defined stubris as “an act of stupidity-fueled hubris.”

I’m not exactly sure what to say right now…. How does a person speak to two stubrists like OJ and Blagojevich?

OK, never mind OJ – he’s gone. Besides, I can only handle one raging idiot at a time. So what of Blago?

• Look, if you’re reading this, you know the preliminary details of this unfolding case. If you don’t, just turn on the news.
• It’s hard to fathom the level of stubris here. How does an individual under investigation say the stuff Blagojevich said knowing that there might be a tape recorder running? He tried to strong arm a children’s hospital project and a major newspaper??? Wow, just wow…
• This is only beginning. Already the gov’s wife is looking at deep doo dee. And there will be further repercussions; take it to the bank.
• I wrote that Obama is just a brilliant Chicago politician. He’d better hope that he was brilliant enough.
• I feel sorry for the young and the naive as this is no doubt an ugly introduction into the real world of politics. Mine was Nixon.
• So if the U.S. Attorney’s allegations are true, what do we do with Blagojevich et al? Well, if OJ is any indication, the American public is more than just a little tired of stubris in our public icons.

Years ago, I had a friend (John) who was a military cop in the USMC. On Friday nights, he and his cronies would use a Starlight scope to watch folks leave the base, cross the street and then smoke grass. And with that, he’d go across the street and bust the morons. He said something profound about every arrest. John said that without exception, every person accused him of being in some way prejudiced. The accusations ran the gambit… “You’re arresting me because I’m white.“; or “You’re arresting me because I’m black.“; or “You’re arresting me because I’m a guy.“; or “You’re arresting me because I’m a woman,“; or “You’re arresting me because I outrank you“; or “You’re arresting me because you outrank me.” And for every accusation, Johnny always had the same answer, “No, I’m arresting you because you’re stupid.“

So in light of all that has transpired, and in light of my friend John’s insightful words, here is what I propose. We need at least one more law in this country – the Stubris Law. Being found guilty of breaking the Stubris Law should demand an automatic 5-year penalty (no concurrence and no parole considerations) whereby the guilty party must wake up every day behind bars, put on a clown suit (complete with big shoes, baggy cloths, grease paint, and crazy orange hair), and dance around their cell for 5 minutes before the world’s TV and Web cams. (A sort of real world “Homey the Clown” if you will.) The sincerity of the dance will affect the opportunity for future parole on other charges. Yeah, the ACLU will call that cruel and unusual punishment. But if Ronald McDonald can do it sans cell, just how inhumane can it be?

Anyway, if the allegations about Blago are true, I’d pay to start my mornings watching “clown lobotomites” like Gov B and OJ dance on the Stubris Channel… Yeah… That would be good.

Alan Speakman